Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Tests, Appointments, and Doctors.....Oh my!!!!

This is more of a vent.......
 Being the parent of a child with 'extra' health concerns
is exhausting.

Most days I take it in stride. This is part of our life.
I take care of all the details
............................
Appointments
Specialists
Medication
Refills
Insurance
Diet
School
IEP's
Heart Disease
Epilepsy
ADD

An example of a regular day?

Between 615am and 715am:
Make sure he got up with his alarm
Breakfast, lunch packed.
Make sure he takes his meds
Make sure his medical ID bracelet on

During that I'm getting my younger one ready too.

Until 3pm......
Chores, errands and such
If I'm lucky
calls to old hospitals to get records that were suppose
to be mailed weeks ago
Make more appointments
Find a new primary doctor cause are new one SUCKS

Then there's that part of my brain that always worries. Will the school call today?
That siren I just heard, is it going to his school?
Everyday, I have to remind myself to breathe

Once the kids are home......
Chores and a little down time
Try to help Arthur study for a couple tests he has the next day
ADD and homework = NO FUN

Meds at 5pm, Meds at bedtime
Lights out 9pm
Make sure he is still breathing before I go to bed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From an outside perspective it may not seem like a lot

But this is everyday
Some days are worse then others
I worry if I hear a loud boom
I worry if the dog howls in the middle of the night
I worry if his showers take too long
I worry if he stares off for a second to long
I worry if he is not home from school at the exact same time everyday
Is he ok? Did he have a seizure?
I WORRY CONSTANTLY

As our family has learned to deal with epilepsy in our everyday.
Deal with all the issues and what comes with them. 
We truly have learned to take the good with the bad
We have learned to not let it control our life

But some days, like yesterday
it all becomes too much
the stress and the worry....


It eats at my heart and feels like an unbearable weight






Sunday, November 4, 2012

Joy

I saw this the other day and just loved it.
Purple for Epilepsy awareness
and
the word....laugh


The world of epilepsy is not an easy one
I know there were many days we forgot to laugh
forgot to find the joy or happiness
in some part of our day



Tonight, as we sat at the table for dinner.
We started telling our kids funny stories
from when they were very young
To sit and have us all laugh,
tears streaming down your face kind of laughter.
Well there is nothing better

I pray everyone can find a little piece of joy today

Sunday, October 28, 2012

What if for one day you had to live in your child's shoes?


What if, today, you were diagnosed with epilepsy?

Today, you found out why you no longer have control of your own body
Why you fall or shake out of the blue
Why you become confused and wander off
Why there are parts of your day you can not recall at all

Epilepsy

Today you will begin an array of testing
That many times, produce no answers
You will start taking medication
that may or may not work
Medication that will cause an onslaught of side effects

You are warned against bathing without someone home
Swimming alone, swimming at all
You may never live alone
You may never drive
This could kill you

If that isn't enough?
Some people may be less than accepting
You may be shunned or picked on
People may be afraid of you

You now live
 everyday 
not knowing when
the next seizure will come

Not knowing if
this medication is the one that will work

Praying that every
day, week, month, year
you go seizure free.....
Is a sign that the epilepsy will not return

What if, today, this became your life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


November is Epilepsy Awareness Month
Join the fight
to end this horrible disease






Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A little laugh

I was searching for Epilepsy Awareness Stuff the other day
and found this...


Some people may not find it funny. But, you know what?
I do.
As a family we try hard to enjoy life and find humor where we can.
So when I saw this button it gave me a little chuckle.
Epilepsy is part of this family. It does not define this family.


November is Epilepsy Awareness month.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Did I have childhood epilepsy??? Genetics revisited...

It's funny how certain images, sounds, even smells trigger memories.
I was at work the other night.
I am not really sure what triggered this memory.
But it really has me thinking.

When I was in elementary school.
(ha ha)

I was probably 10/11years old and I had these "episodes."
From what I remember I had two.
The first one I wasn't feeling well, so
 I went into the bathroom and I remember starting to black out.
Then sometime later waking up in the bathroom, on the floor.
Of course I got in trouble cause I was in the bathroom too long. Oh teachers :)

The other time, it happened in class at my desk. I just went "out."
 I woke up to the other students giggling cause I had wet my pants.
I remember being so confused as to what happened.
So embarrassed.

At the time I recall being told it was probably just low blood sugar and to make
sure I ate better snacks.

That was it.

I think something similar may have happened in Junior high, but I don't recall the specifics.

What's so crazy is after all the stuff we have gone through with Arthur, these memories had
never come into my head until now.

We have never gotten any explanation as to why Arthur has epilepsy.
They cant even pinpoint the area the seizures come from.
We just hear the left temporal lobe, "mainly."
Might as well just use this.....




A while back we found out a distant relative on my husbands side had epilepsy. But,
of course no one talks to him anymore or even knows where he is. Super.
So any thought of searching our genetics was kinda mute.


Then, out of the blue. These memories of my childhood came into my head.
Have I been the link this whole time???
Is there any way to know if seizures is what those episodes were??


So many questions in my head....





Thursday, September 20, 2012

New Neurologist and still seizure FREE!!!!

We finally got to see the new neurologist.
My son didn't need anything, per say...
cause he has been seizure free for over 4 MONTHS!!!

Yes. I said it, FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!
(knock on wood)

We just recently moved and needed to establish a relationship with a new Doc.
I had researched him. He was nice.
But what was wrong with him you ask?

As I explained how Arthur's Complex-Partial seizures present, he said
"that's not a typical seizure."

Uh what????
He didn't really just say that did he???

As we continued to talk he still seemed somewhat confused. Not exactly
the reassuring appointment I hoped for.
But he did refer Arthur to have Neuro-psychological testing before I even
brought it up. ( Point for new Doc!)

He did a very thorough exam and saw no need to change any
of Arthur's meds since he has been doing so well.
He was patient and answered all my questions.

I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for now. Hopefully his lack
of knowledge on complex partial seizures is just based on the fact
that he is a newer doctor.

He will do for now.


Cause let's be honest, if something changes and I don't trust this Doc.
I'll just find a new one :)


Stats as of today: Arthur 13yrs old

110 pds, 5'4
Keppra 3000mg/day (1500mg 2xday)
Zonegran 100mg 1xday





Tuesday, September 11, 2012

As a parent that lives with a heavy heart

I think about it a lot.
Being a parent of a child with heart problems and epilepsy.
To all the parents who deal with any problem that children should never know.

Recently, my son has complained of being really tired. With the meds he
takes for epilepsy and the age he is. You could really think its nothing.
My son was born with a major heart problem, 
(see past posts)
They told us that when he hit puberty that we may see problems,
He may need more surgery.
He may grow faster then his heart can keep up with.
We have always known

They, the docs, always said he will be become very tired.
When the day starts becoming reality.
So is it his age? His heart? His epilepsy meds?

I really try to not over think all of it. It can be really hard not to at times.
Thankfully he sees the new Neuro this week and the Cardio in October.
He wasn't due for his yearly cardiac appointment ( just had it in May,) but with us
just moving I wanted to have set up a new one.
So it kind of works out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Thursday, August 23, 2012

Is the funny feeling returning?????

Last week  I was awoken by a phone call from the school.
I work night shift, so I sleep a good majority of my days.
Then being the first week back at school, that
was NOT what I wanted to see on my caller ID.

It's the school nurse.
She says," Arthur thinks he had a little seizure so he came to see me. I will let you talk to him"
I ask my son whats going on.
He tells me that he got the "funny feeling."

-If you have read towards the beginning of this blog, you know that was usually a sign
that a complex partial was coming.
Now we think that even when the feeling didn't amount to much it was still a small seizure.-

Arthur said he was worried so he went to the nurse. Good kid.
He didn't have a headache and it seemed to have passed and not turn into anything more.
THANK GOD!!
I was so proud that he acted  so quickly and calmly.
He was fine and he did have to go back to class.

Part of me thinks.....was he just trying to get out of school?
New school in the 7th grade is no doubt hard.

OR

Is this the slow return of the monster????


So I try not to worry....ha ha ha ha
AND
Since he has been doing SO well for over 3months( knock on wood,)
the new Neuro is in no rush to see him.
UGH
Not till September to be exact


So I keep praying that the one day of  "the funny feeling," was
just mistaken nerves.
But we keep on vigilant watch

Friday, August 3, 2012

Your always on ALERT!

We have been at our new home about a month now. So far, we just love it.
We are all getting settled in and the kids start school
next week!!!
In the state we are now in they start in August.
The kids are not as excited since they just got out of school the
end of June. Such is life!



Why I titled this post " Your always on ALERT," is because
of what I experienced today.
Let me start by saying Arthur is 3 MONTHS seizure free TODAY!!
As wonderful as that is it doesn't remove the fear that I feel always lurks
in my heart.

I was at the gym riding the bike. The bikes at our gym face a window that overlooks
the indoor and outdoor pool.
So I am "riding" along and I notice in the outdoor pool someone is floating face down.
Another minute or two passes and the person is still floating like that.
But I take notice to the fact that this person appears stiff like a board.
Arms straight above the head, legs straight out.
THEN.....
I see the lifeguard running into the water to this person.
My heart sank
What did I immediately think? Yup.
Seizure.
Maybe this person is having a seizure. It sure looked like it. What if
these  pool lifeguards don't recognize that?
So what did I do?
I stopped, gather my things and quickly walked all the way down and out
to the outside pool.
My heart is racing. Maybe I can help.

As I walk up this person is on the ground with several life guards around. They are
about to start CPR. That's when I noticed it. They are counting out loud like they
are doing chest compressions but they are not actually pushing on the chest.

IT WAS A DRILL!!!!

Sheesh.

I'm glad they train their life guards well. But I could have done without the heart attack.
It wasn't even someone I knew. It wasn't even real.
But it effected me for a while after. Kind of  choked me up.


Arthur is doing well right now. Very well. But the memories of the bad times never
go away. The fear, the uncertainty of epilepsy. It never leaves us.
It resurfaces on days like today.


My heart is with each and everyone one of you out there.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Almost settled and doing great!

We moved a week ago today. To a much warmer state than we previously lived.
We love it. It truly feels like a great fit for our family.
Are we all unpacked???
NO
(not my house, but you get the idea)

We are slowly but surely unpacking. But with school just getting out the day before we left,
me going right back to work after the move, and the craziness that was our life before the move.
We decided it was time for a little river get away this weekend.
Oh it's been lovely.......



Moving is scary when you have a child with " health concerns."
Some people may never move because of it.
Honestly, it worries me. But in the same way we try not to "bubble wrap" our kids, 
despite how badly we may want to. We also can't bubble wrap our lives.
I am SO glad we didn't.

Did the fact that Arthur's neurologist went on maternity leave right before we left, help?
Yes.
I wont lie.
We would have had to deal with someone else for a while anyways.
Where we are now has a good reputation in all the areas he needs.

So the commence the hunt.
The family Doc has been picked.
Let the referrals BEGIN!!!!!!



In the land of Epilepsy....

7 weeks seizure free and counting!!!!!!(knock on wood)
The Zonegran can interfere with the body's ability to sweat. 
We are at the river in 100+ heat and so far so good
He definitely doesn't seem to sweat too much.
But lots of water, gatorade, and dips in the river seem to suffice.

Let's hope this trend continues

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Great CNN article



(CNN) -- Nathan Jones was 18 when he had his first seizure. He lost consciousness, fell off his porch and woke up to hear a paramedic yelling at him to name the president of the United States.
Over the next four years, Jones had 10 or 11 more generalized tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizures. He had seizures in his dorm room, while driving, in class and on a trip to New York.
Jones, 29, has epilepsy, and feels so strongly about educating people about the complex brain disorder and the seizures that stem from it that he became the project coordinator for the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Los Angeles.
When he heard that U.S. Commerce Secretary John Bryson had a seizure while driving in Southern California, Jones was empathetic.
"It seems that some people have been so quick to judge him. It just goes to show you that there are so many misconceptions," Jones said of Bryson, who is under investigation after allegedly causing two car accidents last week.
"It's such a dramatic and stressful period as it is. I can only imagine what he is going through. This is all happening in the spotlight. If he would have had a heart attack, the public would have just thrown sympathy his way."
It is unclear what caused Bryson's seizure, which officials said was his first.
Some doctors and those living with seizures said the Bryson incident is an opportunity to dispel myths about seizures and explain just how common they are. Bryson is not the first high-ranking public official to have a seizure: Five years ago, Chief Justice John Roberts had a seizure that caused him to fall while at his summer home. Roberts also had a seizure in 1993.
Nathan Jones has produced a short film about what it\'s like to have an epileptic seizure.
Nathan Jones has produced a short film about what it's like to have an epileptic seizure.
Up to 10% of the world's population will have at least one seizure, the World Health Organization says, and having one seizure does not signal epilepsy.
Withdrawal of certain medications, antibiotics, alcohol withdrawal and extremely low blood sugar can all cause seizures, experts say. Epilepsy, a neurological condition, is usually diagnosed after someone has had at least two seizures that were not caused by a medical condition, according to the Epilepsy Therapy Project.
Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder in the United States after migraine, stroke and Alzheimer's disease, and yet it is widely misunderstood, according to the Institute of Medicine. In fact, one in 26 people in the United States will develop epilepsy at some point in their lifetime.
Seizures occur when the electrical system of the brain malfunctions. The brain cells keep firing instead of discharging electrical energy in a controlled manner. The result can be a surge of energy through the brain, causing unconsciousness and muscle contractions. Some seizures, however, are barely noticed.
"You can have your first seizure at any point," said Dr. Joseph Sirven, who worked on an Institute of Medicine report called "Epilepsy Across the Spectrum: Promoting Health and Understanding" released in March.
"It's actually very common to present with seizure at an older age.Oftentimes, you will look for potential cerebrovascular implications," such as stroke, hemorrhages or a tumor, said Sirven, who is chairman of the Department of Neurology at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona, chairman of the Epilepsy Foundation's Professional Advisory Board and editor-in-chief of Epilepsy.com.
"If you remember, Ted Kennedy had presented with a seizure and that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumor. It's not that uncommon. But not all seizures are brain tumors."
Dr. Christianne Heck, medical director of the University of Southern California Comprehensive Epilepsy Program in Los Angeles, calls epilepsy a "hidden disorder."
"Epilepsy doesn't have a poster child like muscular dystrophy. We just don't have anybody who is willing to talk about it," said Heck, who also worked on the Institute of Medicine report. "I think it's important for people to understand you can be OK. You can function at a very high level. Most of the time, 70% of the cases are easily controlled, easily managed."
Yet a large number of people go about their daily lives hiding the fact that they have seizures because they are concerned such disclosures would negatively affect their lives, she said.
"Lots of things contribute to that stigma and that embarrassment," Heck said. "It's a disorder of the brain, and the public doesn't understand it in terms of what it looks like and what it is and what they need to do to keep someone from having a seizure safe."
The fact that seizures can happen any time and in public makes it difficult for some people with epilepsy, she added.
Kevin Oliver, 46, of Los Angeles knows that problem all too well.
"I know that's one of the main fears for people that have epilepsy -- telling other people. You always have that fear of that person's reaction. We have a wall up sometimes," he said. "I think it's a fear we don't want to be judged in a certain way. We're trying to protect ourselves."
But the aerospace technician said it's important for anyone with a seizure disorder to be honest about his or her medical condition. Everyone at work knows he has epilepsy, he said.
"They are very protective of me. I do feel it's something you need to express. You shouldn't keep it hidden. You do want people to know."
Still, it isn't always easy, Oliver said.
"You feel embarrassed when you are coming out of it," he said. "There are so many people standing around looking at you. They are looking at you out of concern, but that's not your first reaction."
When Oliver heard about Bryson, he said he was immediately relieved no one was hurt.
"I have had one before when I was driving," Oliver said. "I know the fear behind that. When you come out of it, you don't know what happened. You are just hoping you didn't injure anyone."
Frank Chavez, 63, a retired parole agent in California, had his first seizure in 1999 while driving his daughter's car. He was later told that he got off the freeway, hit a black van and just kept going.
"I lived about two blocks away and instinctively I just drove that car right home," he said. "I started walking up the driveway."
He was putting the key in the door when he heard a man screaming. The man was yelling that Chavez should have stopped after the accident.
Chavez has frequent and serious seizures, is on medication and has even undergone surgeries to try to stop them.
"This is a disease that jumps out of nowhere," said Chavez's wife, Patricia. "We used to call it the monster. We never knew when it would jump out."
When her husband's seizures begin, Patricia Chavez first asks God to let him live. Then she looks at the clock to time the seizure and tries to turn her husband on his side to help him breathe. She tries to stay calm and talk to her husband.
At some point, Frank Chavez understands his wife is talking to him. "I'll hear my wife and she'll tell me, 'Frank, Frank,' " he said. "I do hear her. I just can't do the things she wants me to do."
The lack of control is something you have to deal with, said people living with seizures.
"You become 200% vulnerable to your surroundings and to (other people's) knowledge of what is happening to you," said Jones of the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Los Angeles.
"If I have a seizure in public and I'm next to a bunch of broken glass, are they going to be able to react? Are they going to forgive me when I can't react and listen to them? It's part of the education process. Your brain has just suffered this huge electrical brainstorm."
Heck said anyone living with epilepsy that is not well-controlled should seek out neurologists who are highly trained in managing epilepsy. She and others urge people to seek out information about seizures and epilepsy.
"The biggest misconception is that it is a disease of the young and that it is something you are only going to see in a younger kid or a younger adult," Sirven said. "This is actually a condition that affects all age groups, and older adults seem to have a higher propensity for this. This is not uncommon."
Soo Ihm, 41, was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was 6 or 7. She said she gets frustrated that more people with epilepsy don't speak out. People who haven't had seizures need to understand there is nothing to be afraid of, she said.
"People don't understand the full spectrum of seizures and also the idea of a seizure," Ihm said. "It looks so different and people don't know what to do when you are having one. Epilepsy has such a range of experiences. Seizures can last from a second to several minutes. You can be fully aware, you can lose total consciousness or anywhere in between. "
For information about seizures and epilepsy, go to:http://epilepsyfoundation.org/ and http://www.epilepsy.com/.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Genetic Link

We all search for the....

What is causing my child's seizures?
Was there brain damage?
Is it genetic?

What do a lot of us get?
It's part of childhood. We may never find out what is causing them.
Most children outgrow them.
Great. Thanks.
That helps a lot.....not

The other night we were having dinner with my Mother in-law and
she said she just found out that her Father's Brother had
Epilepsy.

So Arthur's Great Great Uncle.
The only family member that we know of that also
had epilepsy

She doesn't know many more of the details. Of course
he is the one family member who wanted nothing to 
do with this side of the family after his brother died.

This could be genetic.
Maybe it's just a coincidence or maybe not

Of course this will increase my Internet searching......

Friday, June 15, 2012

It's been a while

Life has been very busy but in a good way.
We are moving to a new state the end of next week!!
The kids are not out of school until Friday of next week and we leave......
Yes, you guessed it
Saturday morning!!!!

New jobs must start that Monday
Whatcha gona do? 

So of course amid all the packing, still working, kids finishing school.
We thought a end of the year party for the kids and there friends, on the last
day of school, was a great idea.

Some how I don't think I thought that threw
At least I can bounce in the bounce house that day :)

As far as Arthur goes......
He has been on the Zonegran in addition to the Keppra for almost 4 weeks
So far no bad side effects
No weird cognitive stuff....beyond the normal. Ha Ha
No issue with the decreased sweating
He still stinks like always....oh pubescent boys
As we move into summer, hopefully that side effect doesn't come to light

The best news?????????
As of today.............................................

NO SEIZURES FOR 5 WEEKS
YES, FIVE!!!!!
(Knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood)


Please keep Arthur in your prayers

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

As of today.....

As of  today......
He has been on the Zonegran for 10days. So far the only side effect we 
have noticed is he has been extra tired.
We can deal with that and I know that's a side effect that should
subside.

I was very hesitant to start the Zonegran. But I guess we should at least
give it try. Right?

Arthur has been seizure free for 3weeks Friday ( knock on wood)

I am always hesitant to applaud that.
It always seems that as soon as those words leave my mouth....
'he's been seizure free for.......'
He has another one the next day.

I'm sure many parents can relate

He had his two for May
He usually has two seizures every month. So I don't give the Zonegran any props
until we go a good 30-60days seizure free

Here's to positive thoughts



Friday, May 25, 2012

The song our children sing


I always amazed at my son's strength. I hear this song and see it going 
through his head.
Our kids deal with so much.
 To have a condition, that
you can't control or stop.
 To know you may never
truly stop it. 

The strength. 
It comes from some where truly special. Somewhere deep inside them.
I know my son has guardian angels
I know he has someone who watches over him and gives him strength.

Having faith while dealing with this can be hard.
But we can't lose it, cause HE is always with us
I may not always understand
I may scream
"WHY MY CHILD!?!?"

But I can't lose faith...... I just can't
To all the families out there dealing with the demon epilepsy is.....

Do not lose faith.....
Do not let it destroy you
or your family

It sucks
But it does not define any of us
Especially our children

Do not let if define who they are

Thursday, May 24, 2012

No news is good news???

So after a week in the hospital. A 7 day EEG, PET scan, and MRI.
 All the scans looked normal. They found nothing. Nothing new that is going to help.

Did you find anything from all this??? Yes, there is no tumor or growth. No visible brain damage.
Which is good news.
But it doesn't help get rid of this MONSTER!!! The neurologist said,
'the abnormal activity is coming from the left temporal area"
.But, we already knew that!!!
So there is nothing they can just cut out of his brain. Which on one hand I'm glad, because the
thought of someone cutting open my kids head and removing a piece, freaks me out a tad.
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

That also means we have no "cause," nothing to blame this on.
I also know, from all my google "research." That most brain tumors or growths found r/t epilepsy
are benign. Once those are removed  the seizures decrease a lot if not stopping them all together.
At least that's what I read.


So now what???? What the hell do we do now????

The neuro said lets just try adding on the Zonegran. 
From my earlier post, I made it clear I had BIG reservations
about this drug. She said to just give it a shot. If I notice anything I don't like we can stop it.
Great...

So we did start it a couple days ago and so far so good.
But.... I HATE THIS!!!!
My husband and I are beside ourselves. As parents you want to fix this, make it go away.
And we can't.

Where's the line? We want the seizures to stop for him. Be able to have a normal life.
But then what if in that quest, Arthur is over medicated and has no
quality of life?
Is a couple complex-partials seizures a month better then being over medicated and
taking a risk with all the side effects the meds can cause? Things have been worse, the
seizures have been worse ( grand mal) and more often. So the meds
are doing something. Just not enough to stop the seizures all together.

We are so at a loss of what to do. We want to do the best for him. All parents
of epileptics, us including, live with heavy hearts,
And you know what???

IT REALLY, REALLY SUCKS!!



Will the seizures ever stop?
 Could he grow out of them?
Am I doing the best I can for him?
 Should I switch docs again?



Will he ever drive a car?
Will he ever be able to keep a job?
Will he ever be able to live alone?
Will he ever be able to live the life he dreams of?



Its not fair.